The wedding rehearsal not only allows the bridal party, bride, groom and families to run-through their movements and expectations on the wedding day. It also sets the tone for the next 24 hours. Too many chefs at a rehearsal can do some major soup-spoiling.
There is no need to send your attendants, parents and, yes, your bride off to the rehearsal dinner in tears awaiting a sleepless night of “is that going to happen again tomorrow”? You can be prepared, and the following tips will help:
1. Make even the smallest decisions in advance: resist the urge to leave anything (including order that your attendants will stand in, whether or not you’ll use microphones, escorts for each family member, etc.) to be determined at the rehearsal. You’re inviting chaos.
2. Designate the authority: Whose opinion matters? If there is a decision to be made, there needs to be one (max 2 if it will be the bride and groom) decision maker. Anyone else who wants to give input can save it for a private moment. Dissension breeds confusion. Confusion breeds chaos. If you haven’t figured it out yet, chaos is not good.
3. Respect each other: And further, demand that everyone present respects everyone else. This isn’t the time to fight long-standing family feuds. Get through the hour (or less) and make a comfortable environment for everyone.
4. Address problems and problem people in advance: If you know your Aunt Sue can’t keep her opinions to herself, maybe she should be put in charge of decorating the rehearsal dinner. If you parents are divorced and can’t be civil, tell them in advance that you are seating them separately and where so it doesn’t turn into a hurtful surprise on site. If you’re older sister is ticked at you for getting married first, assign her a keeper who will delicately remove her from uncomfortable situations.
5. Keep it to an hour or less: You should be able to run through the processional and recessional a couple of times, position your readers and VIP guests and discuss the movements of the ceremony in this amount of time. It helps if everyone is on time (and if you know someone is chronically late, go ahead and “fib” and tell them that the rehearsal starts 30 minutes earlier than it really does). Rehearsals that drag on for hours are painful and stressful, and are indications that something in #’s 1 – 4 has gone terribly wrong.
6. Have printed instructions for the wedding day: Distribute these at the end of the rehearsal and invite questions at the rehearsal dinner. Everyone will have your clear expectations, directions and a plan of action. You won’t waste an hour answering every “what time is my hair appointment” and “what time do pictures start” question when you’d rather be anticipating your big moment.
7. Relax. Even if everything above goes haywire, it’s just a rehearsal. Everything “they” say is true. No one else knows what’s supposed to be happening on the wedding day. If you both show up, there will be a wedding and your new lives will start with joy.
Happy Planning
Shayna Walker, Williamsburg Wedding Design
Plain and simple! Love it!
Posted by: Tywana Tyler | June 03, 2010 at 03:09 PM
Good points! And re: #7 in theatre they always say a bad rehearsal means a great opening night. So nothing is the end of the world :)
Posted by: Joan~Five Grain Events | June 03, 2010 at 03:10 PM
Very valid #7 Joan. And of course, a #8 - hire a professional wedding coordinator would have been a good addition, but I was trying so hard to be impartial. :) Thanks for the input!
Posted by: Shayna Walker | June 03, 2010 at 03:23 PM
Thanks Tywana. Plain & simple - uncharacteristic for me I know! :)
Posted by: Shayna Walker | June 03, 2010 at 03:24 PM