Users Guide to the Wedding Planner

It shouldn’t surprise anyone that most people who have hired or will hire a wedding planner are new to this whole wedding thing. While a planner is responsible for guiding you through the process of engineering a magnificent event, we sometimes forget that you may need help with something far more basic: how to work with a wedding planner.

I’m amazingly inept when it comes to car care. Worse, I am intimidated by auto mechanics so I rarely, if ever, ask the right questions when I take my car in for service. I once told a mechanic “not to rush” thinking that my being nice was going to help somehow – I next saw my car almost ten days later.

When I asked what had taken so long when the repair was fairly basic, the nice sales guy at the shop gave me golden advice: “never tell a mechanic to take his time”. If going to the mechanic was something I did every week, I would have known. But for me it was a rare situation and I contributed to my own dissatisfaction.

Since you don’t work with wedding planners all the time, here is some advice to help you maximize your planner-client relationship:

1.    Read your contract. Ideally you will read this before you sign it, but it’s just as important to read it after as well. Good planners spell out requirements like when to submit documents or who is allowed to give input on the wedding. These policies are meant to protect both parties and allow for the smoothest possible wedding experience. Read carefully and ask questions.

2.    Ask, inform and advise – do not bark. This is partly a function of the increased use of email in planning, but you would be shocked by the way some people communicate what they want. You have hired a consultant, not a servant. Presumably, you hired your planner because of her expertise and just as you would respect a doctor or a professor when discussing their fields, you should demonstrate respect towards your planner.

This is not to say that you can’t have expectations and that you shouldn’t address performance problems should they arise, but assuming that your needs are being addressed, watch your tone, especially where it can be easily misconstrued (email!). Your planner will return the favor with mutual respect.

3.    Discuss. If you have a concern, are confused by something, or believe that something is missing, discuss it with your planner. We are human (unfortunate but unavoidable truth) and we do make mistakes. Further we want to know about these mistakes so we can fix them. We can only help if we know there is a problem, so in the spirit of cooperation, please let us know if you are worried about something. We can probably correct it, so give us a chance.

4.    Trust. The time for misgivings is before signing the contract. Once you have selected your professional, spending the entire planning period second-guessing everything he says will ultimately cause grief.

You obviously have a right to see proof of progress and to have your questions answered about the event or the services you are contracting. Some people take this way too far, though. There is nothing more insulting to a planner than to know that you had a concern which, instead of addressing directly, you “shopped” to other vendors secretly, comparing notes.

If you don’t like a particular recommendation, speak up and know that the professional planner would much rather keep searching for a perfect match. Every client is different and sometimes it will take us some time to fully understand your needs.

5.    Comply. This goes hand-in-hand with #1. The professional planner has a ton of responsibilities to you as her client. As a client, though, you have obligations as well. If you have agreed to submit your contracts for review by a certain date, or to turn over complete details about a particular vendor, it is imperative that you complete your assignments.

Understand that planners haven’t randomly created hurdles for you to jump. While we want you to feel like yours is the only wedding we think about, in practicality, we have several and we take great pains to pace the administrative work necessary to execute each correctly. When you fail to respect deadlines, you put additional time pressures on your planner which can adversely impact someone else’s wedding. You wouldn’t want your planner scrambling the week before your wedding because her next client was irresponsible with deadlines, would you?

Unless you plan to pay your planner enough to sustain their business for an entire year, be respectful of deadlines and comply with the requirements of your contract. Doing so gives you the best possible chance at having a flawless wedding day.

I will never again tell a mechanic to “take his time”. You only get one chance at establishing a relationship with your wedding planner – take this advice and she will consider you a dream client…a great advantage on your wedding day!

Happy planning!

Shayna Walker

Williamsburg Wedding Design

Comments

[Cindy Shields]

well said, love every word!! i think this would also very aptly apply in my world as well. thanks shayna :)
~cindy/cindy's cakery

[Shayna Walker]

Thanks Cindy. I definitely think it crosses over disciplines to any wedding professional who sets standards for their clients in order to achieve the best possible results. Glad you enjoyed it!

[Vermont Barn Wedding]

Excellent tips Shayna! I will share this link to my friends to let them know how to handle effectively different people with different attitudes.

[Dina Eisenberg]

Wonderful article, Shayna! I tell my coaching clients that many of the issues that they face with brides can be handled by remembering two things:

1. Keep a beginner's mind. Remember the first time you had to learn to do or manage something new. You had fears, doubts and insecurities that lead you to, maybe, act badly or be unclear.

Your bride is no different. She's a first-timer who needs your compassion.

2. Be a Thought Leader You have a great deal of knowledge and influence as a wedding pro-beyond design and organization.

Use the contract signing as a 'teachable moment' where you demonstrate to your bride how to interact best with you- including meeting deadlines, asking questions and sharing concerns.

If your bride improves, even modestly, think how much easier the planning will be (and her marriage)

Thanks for letting me share that, Shayna.

Warmly,
Dina

Dina Eisenberg
Biz Coach for Wedding Pros
http://PositivelyWed.com

[Shayna Walker]

Thanks Dina. I agree with that approach, and emphasize to my colleagues frequently that the way we interact from day 1 "trains" our clients how to treat and interact with us. This is almost always the first time they have done this, especially with a planner, and the burden is on us to teach them how to get the most from the experience. Thanks for your comments!

Shayna