This guest post by Elizabeth Howard, owner of The Cordial Cricket was too valuable to let it just slip away into blog obscurity, so we're dedicating a page on the Weddlady blog to it. Thank you Elizabeth for an outstanding contribution!
Although the idea of graciously sending a hand-written thank you note after receiving a wedding gift is an age old tradition, as a wedding industry and etiquette professional, I am often still asked about the “rules” of this tradition. Brides are certain of one fact, that it needs to be done. However, they are unsure about the proper etiquette regarding this act of gratitude. In an effort to help, I have put together the following tips as a “Bride’s Guide to Gratitude”
Hand Write Thank You Notes
While modern technology has certainly made it quick and convenient to send someone a note of thanks via email, this should never replace an actual handwritten thank you note. It is perfectly acceptable to drop someone a quick email or phone call to let them know that you have indeed received their gift (especially gifts that have been shipped) and how much you love it, however, you must still send a handwritten note to them in the good old mail.
Have Your Tools Ready
It will make the process much more efficient if you have your gratitude tools ready to use. It’s a good idea to order personalized thank you notes with your current name or monogram when you order your Save the Dates. These should be used to say thank you for engagement, shower or other pre-wedding gifts.
You should order stationery with your new name or monogram when you order your wedding invitations so that you will have them ready to begin using when you return from your honeymoon. Use your guest address list as a tracking tool by including a section to note the gift received from a guest and a place to note if you have sent them a thank you note. Put all of your supplies together with your favorite pens, stamps and address list so it will be easy to sit down and write several notes at once.
(Invitation in photo is from Studio R in South Carolina, one of The Cordial Cricket's newest custom vendors).
Keep Up With Your Note Writing
As busy as planning a wedding can be, you will be better off and more sane if you are able to keep up with writing and sending your thank you notes for gifts as they are received. The guideline for timing is to send thank you notes within three months of receiving each gift. It will be much easier to write a few notes a day as pre-wedding gifts are received, than it will be to return from your honeymoon to a hundred or more notes that need to be written.
Putting off writing your thank you notes will quickly turn your act of gratitude into a chore. If you fall behind and become late getting your thank you notes sent, keep writing them and send them anyway as delayed gratitude is still appreciated.
Grooms Can Be Gracious Too
The age of the bride writing all the thank you notes has come and gone. It is perfectly acceptable to share the responsibility of writing them. One way to share the job is for the bride to write to those whom she is closest to and the groom to write to his closest friends, family and co-workers.
When you are writing your thank you notes, always express that you are both very grateful for the gift. Only one of you is actually writing the note, therefore, there should only be one signature at the closing. The recipient will know that you are both very appreciative.
Things That Are A Definite No-No
Although it is tempting to use a pre-printed thank you note and just sign your name or to simply write the same scripted note to everyone who gave you a gift, this is just not acceptable. It is also frowned upon to ask bridal shower guests or attendants to pre-address thank you note envelopes as a “favor” to the bride. Those who took time to give you a gift deserve to have you devote some special time to let them know you appreciate it.
What To Write
Always specifically mention the gift in the note. If the gift is monetary, the amount of the gift need not be mentioned. You should, however, mention how you plan to use monetary gifts as a couple.
Always say something positive about the gift, you can think of something no matter what the gift. If you are unsure what the gift actually is then you may focus the note on the kindness of the giver. If you receive a gift from a group you should mention the group in your note “It is so nice to have friends like you!”, however, you should still send an individual thank you note to each member of the group.
If you receive a gift from someone whom you do not know, be sure to mention in your note that you look forward to meeting them. If you do nothing else, simply be genuine in communicating your gratitude.
Who To Thank
It is most obvious to send thank you notes to people who give you gifts, however, you should also extend a special handwritten thank you to the following people:
- People who hold parties in your honor
- Those who house and/or entertain your out-of-town guests
- Attendants and others who participate in your wedding such as soloists, officiants
- Suppliers and vendors - you don’t have to thank everyone you hire, but those who exceeded your expectations would surely appreciate the recognition
- Anyone who assists you before, during and after your wedding
As with other trends or traditions, some things do change over time. Writing thank you notes, however, is still very steeped in tradition. After all, traditions become that way because they have proven to work well and stand the test of time.
If you are a bride, I hope this guide makes your life easier. If you’re a wedding professional, use this information the next time you work with a bride to coach her in the proper way to express her gratitude.
Elizabeth Howard is the owner of The Cordial Cricket, a paper and gift boutique located in Chester, Virginia and online at www.thecordialcricket.com. She is a lover of all things classy, stylish, prim and proper. She keeps abreast of the current trends in the wedding and stationery industry as well as timeless and traditional etiquette in order to provide even more value to her customer’s service experience. Giving etiquette advice and answers to customers and brides, she now finds is a daily occurrence. She has been featured in and/or written for publications such as Stationery Trends Magazine and Gifts & Decorative Accessories Magazine. She enjoys speaking and writing on the topics of wedding, social and correspondence etiquette, the adventures of being a small business owner, using social media, blogging and marketing. For more information about Elizabeth Howard or her store, The Cordial Cricket, contact her at ehoward@thecordialcricket.com or read her blog at http://thecordialcricket.blogspot.com.
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